I was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma skin cancer on my back in 2010. I followed up with an extended excision to remove nearby skin that might have been affected. But in 2012 I discovered some swollen lymph nodes in my left armpit and a biopsy proved it was the malignant melanoma that had spread to about 4 enlarged lymph nodes. I was offered surgery immediately, but I declined this offer. Radiation was also mentioned but neither of the three common hospital options, cut, poison and burn, made much sense to me.
After a few weeks of soul searching and very challenging conversations with my family and friends, I decided to follow a holistic approach that was much more aligned with my experience and faith in how the universe operates. It felt risky to not listen to so-called medical experts, and like many cancer patients, standing up for myself was not my strength…but I felt a need to follow my truth and trust in my world view and do what I felt was the right thing to do. Besides, hospital treatment only gave me a 35% chance of survival after 10 years anyway.
The Budwig Center
So, my wife and I started researching natural doctors and treatments. Which led me to many brilliant experiences, conversations and treatments, some of which where had at the Budwig Center in Spain, a complementary cancer treatment clinic. Here for the first time, I came into contact with an integrative team of experts that had knowledge and protocols that included both science and reason. A place where decades of experience gave them confidence to offer tried and tested medical, psychological and nutritional advice on how to address cancer.
My intuition proved me right as I uncovered a hidden world of cancer journeys and wisdom that had led many courageous souls to a healthy shore. Although I could take a sigh of relief knowing that these experts had my back, my journey was only just beginning…
Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things. Quite often we see that we cancer patients are our own worst enemies. We suppress our feelings to avoid conflict, we become pleaser’s to be liked and loved, we disassociate to negate uncomfortable experiences and we quietly bear the weight of our past trauma. All to the detriment of our health.
‘I’m not going to leave a stone unturned’
Thankfully I was willing and able to mobilize a serious response to my dire situation. My motto was “I am not going to leave a stone unturned”… I was willing to face every aspect of disease in my life. In fact, a part of me had asked for guidance to change my life. I knew I couldn’t live my life with all the inner conflict I was experiencing. I had painted myself in a corner emotionally and on some level I was begging for a way out. It seemed like life had presented me with an opportunity to go all in and start creating the new life that I was longing for.
Within a month of my ever evolving protocol, I was feeling really quite good. The fear of dying was definitely looming at first and I was skinny and frail, but well-being steadily increased and within 3-4 months I had made so much progress that I was quite enjoying my journey. Here I was, fully focused on healing, doing everything I felt called to do, to find inner and outer peace… Before long most of my meals consisted of leafy greens, wholesome vegetables and healthy protein.
It became a wonderful journey of uncovering the mysteries of self and life. Loads of tears and psychological unraveling, but guided by principles of wellbeing that aligned with my heart, I felt more at ease, more in love and on a hero’s journey. I felt empowered and I actually started hearing my heart whisper. The fear of death vanished and a deep trust in life formed. I was no longer searching desperately for a cure, tracking down one promising lead after another, instead I was simply following my path. I could only see my next step, but that was all I needed. My protocol informed by eclectic science and medical experience at first, transformed into a mysterious path that only my deeper true self could see.
The best worst thing that ever happened to me!
So many healed cancer patients state “it was the best worst thing that ever happened to me” and I am no different. It changed my life. After 12 months of healing, one sunny morning on the porch of a little cabin in Australia’s paradise called Byron Bay, I felt my armpit and realised to my absolute joy, that the tumours, once 2-4 cm in diameter, undeniably had started shrinking. What my wife referred to as the golf ball partially poking out of my skin, was retreating. Cancer had served its purpose and I was not surprised. I was back in the water surfing and exercising, enjoying abundant organic food, and loving the pristine nature surrounding us. My life was great and my body was reflecting that vibration.
Remembering these moments now, ten years later, tears are falling onto the keyboard as I reminisce this sweet time.
With a passion for education I returned to teaching after 15 months of healing journeying. I was so sensitive and frail, yet a power and a conviction bubbled up from within. I had so much freedom to be myself and guiding my students was exciting and rewarding. For the next 8 years I developed my skills and knowledge at a beautiful rural Steiner School and my new life in Australia was wonderful.
A choice between Love and Fear
I realized during my cancer journey. That any predicament can be boiled down to a choice between love and fear. My choice was clear. I chose my freedom and my truth and my love for my health. I chose to not fear Covid and losing our house to the bank. I chose to follow my heart’s true nature, love, kindness, truth and compassion.
My wife was crying one day, fearing that we would default on our mortgage as we were both loosing our income. I sat down and tuned in and the response that arose was clear and confident. I told her that something even better could come along… Three days later I was offered a job as a filmmaker. As a film teacher it was no secret that I had over the years felt a deep desire to create something myself. I have since been involved with some wonderful film projects and interestingly enough, they are all revolving around education and what I like to think of as the New Earth.
I share this story as a reminder of my greatest lesson during my cancer journey. That the universe is good and intelligent. Life wants us to achieve our dreams and help us live our lives to our full potential. It is the fundamental design of our existence. Our bodies and minds and societies will heal if we provide the right environment.
If we heed that call and go on a hero’s journey, we will face fear and we will face our demons and there will be moments where the easy and heartless choice makes at least some sense…
But to really LIVE we must dare to do what we know is right.
